Wish it WERE you.

This morning, I heard that you joked to her about how we invited them, but not you.

First of all, she's not a reliable transmitter of information so who knows if this is just her… but, she said you said “You invited them, but not ME?”

“Me.”

Not “Us.”

I mean. “My Dearest, Angelica” vs “My Dearest Angelica”, but this thing is nothing if not trying to parse the tiniest details. Of course, that's even assuming that's what you actually said.

Anyhow.

I wish it was you. Don't get me wrong, I like them, too. Not, like… how I like you. Lol. But I'm certain it'll be a fun evening. If it doesn't get rained out.

I just… I wish I could tell you how it ended up that way. Better than what she told me that she said, which was “You said you were busy…”, but that's not what you said, not at all. You said something like “That sounds like fun!”

Good grief. I should have just posted a link to the show all the way back then. I mean. Not exactly an invitation, but not exactly NOT an invitation, you know?

I need to get better at this.

You know, I thought of you (I mean, duh) when I got the email about the add-on tickets. But I couldn't work out a way to extend an invitation that wasn't at least a little… too much. Because, it's not like it's just the two of us going, it's the whole family. But there was a limit of two for the add-ons. So… Invite the two of you along, but have you leave the kids home while our kids join in? I guess we could have offered the add-ons and let you decide what to do, if you decided to join us at all. But. Just. Too complicated, I thought. Probably to my own detriment, but it's too late now.

But, we were at your party, sitting with them, and the show came up. Someone said something about the relative popularity of the acts, which reminded me of the add-on tickets, so without even considering what might be the end result I piped up with something about how I was sure it wasn't sold out since they were offering heavily discounted add-on tickets.

And… that was it. Until a day or two later, when she says “Hey, they're going to go to the concert with us, can you get the add-ons?”

Wish I had known about the add-ons when we were talking to you about it a few weeks ago. Tonight might be very different. I mean, again, I like them a lot, too, so I'm certain it will be fun. But god. It's not just that I want to see you, but also… I want to make it known to you that I want to see you. I want to invite you to things. You've been doing a lot of heavy lifting in that regard lately. I need to repay the favor. It's something I am just not good at, but I need to get better - will get better. I've never been more motivated to get better about that than I am now, not even close. Even if you really aren't able to go, if I had just asked…

Anyways. Wish I could explain this to you for real, though even if I could it's all too complicated, lol. Probably for the best it's going into this letter you'll never see.

Next time, though.